Do you party with K-Fed?

I'm currently watching Kathy Griffin's show on Bravo. She just paid some dude from Laguna Beach (I won't utter his name here, for fear that I'll swoon & pass out) to come to her house and woo her 16 year old niece who is visiting from Illinois. I really do love Kathy Griffin. Keep an open mind and watch her show for 30 minutes. You'll laugh. A lot. I promise! Don't give me that look.

So someone deleted my comment from his blog today because he's waged war on my 1st Amendment rights... also my 19th Amendment rights.. but that's for another post. After reading the threatening email he sent me, I was struck with this brilliant idea:

If we in the blogging community <--{the faggiest thing I've written all day, by the way} are so worried about our personal information getting into the "wrong hands" (i.e. swarthy foreigners & Republicans), why don't we start putting fake information on our blogs? Fake home addresses! Fake phone numbers! Fake measurements! I'll start.

Julia Bonham
666 Lisa Frank Blvd.
Rainbow, Missouri 69666

Ha! Take THAT, IDENTITY THIEVES!!


Time to spread more lies about myself...

Keepin' up with the Klan

I been gone for a minute now I'm back at the jump off...

How's it hangin' broheims? Did you miss me? Naw. I didn't think so -- seeing as how I "rescued" you from a snowstorm, only to end up breaking your ankles with a sledgehammer. THERE, LOOK THERE, NOW SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

Oh! I've also just finished watching a documentary on the tee-vee. A&E apparently abandoned its strict policy of only airing "Biography: Billy Crystal" in order to suck us into the intellectual realm of those noble Klansmen. While I still can't wrap my mind around their awesomely stupid agenda, after watching two full hours of Klan members in their natural Klan environment I think it's safe to say that crystal meth is an epidemic sweeping the Southern hate community. I only hope that their primary goal (according to the documentary, the Klan is still all about Hating) won't be ruined by the scourge of crystal meth. Wait a minute... does this mean that crystal meth has its benefits?

I'm officially calling for the Klan to embrace crystal meth as their drug of choice.

It's the only way to fight back.

With drugs!


We're finally in the last week of Pretrial Lit. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's still dimmed by depositions and discovery answers and me curled fetal position atop a nest of toilet paper I've piled in the corner of the handicapped stall of the women's restroom. Ahhhh... summertime....

What is Seized

So I was just reading some more Lorrie Moore. I was struck by how much hurt can be conveyed in just two, small passages:

"Cold men destroy women... They woo them with something personable that they bring out for show, something annexed to their souls like a fake greenhouse, lead you in, and you think you see life and vitality and sun and greenness, and then when you love them, they lead you out into their real soul, a drafty, cavernous, empty ballroom, inexorably arched and vaulted and mocking you with its echoes--you hear all you have sacrificed, all you have given, landing with a loud clunk. They lock the greenhouse and you are as tiny as a figure in an architect's drawing, a faceless splotch, a blur of stick limbs abandoned in some voluminous desert of stone.

... That is what is wrong with cold people. Not that they have ice in their souls--we all have a bit of that--but that they insist their every word and deed mirror that ice. They never learn the beauty or value of gesture. The emotional necessity. For them, it is all honesty before kindness, truth before art. Love is art, not truth. It's like painting scenery." (Lorrie Moore, "What Is Seized," from Self-Help)


Happy Father's Day, bitches!

My classmate, the child rapist.

I'm reading Lorrie Moore right now. I don't know how she does it, but she's able to create a picture-perfect, early 1980's city setting in this one. Every word has so much weight. I tried to write like that in undergrad. It was a moderate failure.

I just watched this two times in a row. It still gives me goosebumps. I'm completely surprised that Bol put that on his site. I know this is going to sound like the worst, hippie-dippie shit I've ever spewed, but...

Cat Power was pure energy out there.

Whew. I said it.



Don't worry, that was just Wednesday's Phish talking.


I declare tonight -- Rental Movie Night. Wish me luck.

That damned Hippie... up to her old tricks again.

Plans for my gigantic block of free time today (12:50pm - 5ish):

--pick up my prescription that's waiting for me the drug store
--fill out performance review sheets after watching the tape of Friday's mediation
--hand wash the "hand wash only" clothing
--watch or read something enlightening


What I am doing instead:

--sitting on the front porch
--totally zonked
--listening to Phish
--blogging



Oh wait! I suppose I fulfilled one of my "To Do" items today. I watched a few episodes of F-Troop (a million thanks to Ryan). Stay tuned. More on F-Troop later.

Much, much more.

Wrangler Jane = 1960's Mock Civil War Era Feminist Icon. Fer true.















Listening to Phish?!

I know. It's my summer pass. Sue me...

...but don't really sue me...

...we might wind up on Judge Alex.

You stay classy!

Holy eff!

Amazing. Inspiring.

This is really fucking awesome.

His name sounds good in your ear...

Max Powers
He's the man, whose name you'd love to touch
but you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear
but when you say it you mustn't fear
'cause his name can be said by anyone!

Homer Simpson just sang that. I forgot how brilliant that was. That should be Ben's theme song for his work. He's going to rock the house... the courthouse, that is. Zing!

I should no longer be allowed to post in public forums. Have you seen this shit? And this shit? Daaaaammmnnn.... I think it's all a lot of hooey, personally.

Tom Goes to the Mayor is on!! WOOOT!

Hot Mama!

I know he's hilarious... and I know he wears a toupee... but why can't more religious leaders be like Larry Rice? Check this out. Exactly! That's what Jesus would do.... bitches.

In my mad dash to tell everyone about the new clothes, I made the rash decision to call my mom up on the phone and give her my blog address. Yeah. I didn't think about it before I did it.... Aahaaha.... You want to see some pictures of her? Excellent!

{Mom, since I know you'll want to look at yourself all day at work, you can right-click them with your mouse, then click "set as background image" or "set as wallpaper" or something like that}





Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she preciou--

Wait a minute.
Now I'm just ripping off Stevie Wonder.


"I'm driving an 18-Wheeler of Truth... and I'm about to Jack-Knife Justice..."

Estate Sale MAGIK!!!

Today I made the wise decision to stop by an indoor estate sale with Erin & Jodie. An older woman with impeccable taste either passed away or went to a nursing home. Designer clothing out the wazooo! Her shoe collection was mind-boggling, but sadly she wore a size 4 1/2 in shoes. Lucky for me -- we were almost the exact same size in clothing!!! I promised myself that I would only spend $30, but I ended up dropping a whopping $57.00. I know. We stumbled upon a gold mine. Check out my haul:

Beloved item #1 -- A vintage, MINT condition 50% Angora / 50% lamb's wool sweater!


Beloved item #2 -- A kickass vintage jacket (with lovely brooch included). Much like a real estate agent would wear... Hmmm... career move?


Beloved item #3 -- The best of the best. A perfect Pendleton wool suit.


Beloved item #4 -- A stretchy yellow shirt. Button-up shirts are usually not kind to me, but I suspect this one will be.


Beloved item #5 -- Be still my beating heart. 100% silk shirtdress. It was missing the belt, so I added the skull scarf Errrn gave me. Perfeck!!


...and it swings!!


Woo Hoo!!

Smile! There goes your sanity...

In times of profound sadness, I often like to take pictures of myself.

Why? To capture my dichotomy on film, of course!

This is one of those times.

Bask in my loveliness!!









Don't get worked up now, it's not the end of the world. However, if you want to call and let me talk your ear off about my life, feel free to do so. I would appreciate it.