Dear Chumps,

Help me! I'm entwined in the throes of PMS and unable to chew through the duct tape binding my arms and legs. I can only write these few sentences...

Jon called in the post below on his shoe phone. (FYI -- Those pants used to be full length, but I tore them off at the knee during our violent struggle that ultimately led to me being locked in the trunk of his car).

Watch out, Jon's blog -- I'm a'comin' fer ya...

Nickens, you scamp!