And she passes looks, as well as bills, to every suave young man

Newsflash! I'm losing my mind! So many things I have to do. Graduating in about 4 weeks. FOUR WEEKS?! Have to write a research paper, have to finish my case summaries for Royce, have to learn all three of my big classes, have to mail in my Bar registration and character & fitness, and more and more and more... there's also an ACLU of Mid-Missouri meeting at Classy's on April 28th. You want to go, don't you? I set up our blog & e-mail group today. It was thrilling. I'm fairly certain that the person who designed Yahoo! Groups is mentally handicapped, but what can I do? They use an exclamation point in their name and I'm oddly drawn to that. Fuckin' Yahoo! Groups.

So I went to my parents' house for the Zombification of Jesus Day. Did we go to church like Shotwell's family? Church?!? Pshaw! We didn't even pray at the beginning of the meal. For being such a church-crazy family in the 1980's, we seem to have fallen far from Jeebus. Hopefully we'll never be forced to go back. I would burst into a shower of flames if I set foot inside of a church. You know, because of my dead soul and all. Regardless, Dad made some stellar food that was both gluten-free and vegetarian and Jon & I ate ourselves silly. There was even creme brulée for dessert. Yeah! Creme fuckin' brulée.


Oh! Did you hear that I passed the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam? In fact, I passed it so much that I'm ethically up to par in EVERY FUCKING STATE. Wooot! I was a little worried before the scores came out today, but I did the best I could and apparently it paid off. I ate half of a chocolate Easter bunny to celebrate. My life is slowly turning into a Cathy® comic strip. ACK!!! (Get it? Cathy? She likes chocolate and her ass is ever-expanding...)

Last night after we got home, I decided to finish off an open bottle of wine and watch THREE HOURS of "Banned from the Bible" on History Channel. The stories were all incredibly engaging and I recommend that you catch it if you see it in replays. You want to hear my favorite story? Don't pretend like you're not interested... Thecla.


Have you heard of this shit? You Catholic kids probably have, because she's a saint now, I believe. Here's a website about the story. Here's another one. I'll give my five-second summary so you can get a feel for how awesome this is -- the only thing missing is unicorns:

So Thecla starts hanging out with Paul. She becomes an ascetic and denounces the institution of marriage because she and Paul know the world is going to end soon. When a wealthy guy asks her to marry him, she turns him down. The guy turns her in for saying "no" and she's supposed to be burned at the stake. They start burning her at the stake and God sends a thunderstorm down to put the fire out. Thecla and Paul escape and wander around preaching to people. This marriage proposal business happens again in another town and this time she's thrown into a lion's den in one of those fancy arenas the pagans liked so much. The male lions started to attack her, but the female lions surrounded and protected her. Instead of being split by religion, the audience suddenly split into women vs. men. All the women were cheering for her, all the men against her. The lions didn't kill her, so they tried to throw her into a tank of sharks. Apparently God had the clever idea to shoot the sharks with LIGHTENING BOLTS and they died. Thecla then proceeded to baptize herself in the shark tank, because she couldn't get any men in the church to baptize her! Sista's on fire! Hot fire. Since Thecla took a leadership role that supposedly good Christian women shouldn't, church officials made sure her story was excluded from the final version New Testiment. The end. Like I said, all this thing was missing was a group of flying unicorns who swooped down and picked her up. Ahh... feminist Bible fantasies... If only they would've featured that shit in an episode of The Flying House.









I miss Ronnie Belliard.