Choo! Choo!! All Aboard the Drama Express! Next Stop: Crazytown

You'll never believe this. It sounds like it's ripped from the pages of some teenage soap opera (don't deny it, no one can forget Nickelodeon's 1991 smash hit teen drama classic "Fifteen"), but it's just mi vida loca. You know I'm not one for drama -- come to think of it, every time I say the word "drama" in reference to a social situation, I feel a little too much like Mary J. Blige -- but I must share this bit of crazy with you:

So Jon's at his J-O-B yesterday, diligently working to bring foreigners over the border and into our beloved university, when he gets a mysterious email from some clever bogus address. The address? rotinhelljerk77@hotmail.com (addresses like these are always a solid indicator of drama coming down the pipe). When he opened the suspicious message, he saw that someone had forwarded him emails written by me! Me! They were taken from a correspondence I had this summer with a gentleman friend of mine. They weren't romantic or sexy or anything that would normally send a boyfriend into a jealous rage. In fact, they were written before Jon & I ever entered into our storybook relationship and were written during a time when Jon was giving me amazing advice and support in that very situation. Suffice it to say, the emails weren't anything new to him, but receiving them in such a strange way was nonetheless baffling. One question remained -- where did they come from?

Upon hearing about this strange occurrence, I immediately dialed my preeminent partner in crime and got to work figuring out who sent this and how they could have obtained my personal emailz. Erin is just as stumped as I am for a few minutes, then she remembers that just last week, someone broke into her email account and sent loony, nonsensical messages to one of her friends from her address. She then recalled that this summer, I forwarded the emails in question to her email (as bff's often do), for her final seal of approval before I sent them. We were pretty sure that my email account hadn't been hacked, because if someone wanted to taunt Jon with emails I wrote to other people, there are much sexier options to choose from in my Inbox.

Based on this knowledge and the impromptu database we've collected of the possible culprits, here's my profile of "rotinhelljerk77@hotmail.com".....

1. Deeply crazy (especially if it was the same person who compromised Erin's email address)
2. Jealous of my relationship with Jon, but doesn't know the details or time line of our goings-on
3. Tragically immature and unable to communicate like an adult
4. Probably suffering from incontinence (because you can't be this crazy and not have bladder control problems)
5. Either a teenage girl, or someone operating in the capacity of a teenage girl

So that pretty much whittles down the pool of possibilities to a select few. You know who you are. If you would like to step up to the plate and try to do something noble for once, feel free to send me a legitimate email and we'll discuss this like grown-ups.

It's strange. You think that by the time you hit your mid-to-late 20's, silly things like this would be confined to watching it unfold on The Hills or Maury. Okay, maybe not Maury, since there's no paternity test involved -- YET!!

On to more important things. I had a dream about David Arquette last night. He was still making those godforsaken 1-800-CALL ATT commercials, but I was trying to convince him to stop since he was killing what is left of his "career" and because pay phones are a dying breed. Damn that Arquette! Worming his way into my dreamscape again. Why does the collect calling fad of the late 90's and early 2000's continue to haunt me as I sleep?

Schools in, suckas!

UPDATE -- Just to be sure nothing in my email account had been compromised, I logged on to see if everything was on the up & up. I found a draft in my Drafts folder of the email in question (which was written in early August), but the draft was dated more recently and when I pulled it up, it was without a header (just like the one sent to Jon). I suppose that my email account may indeed have been hacked. Classy. I guess insisting that my password remain the default "tigers" for the last seven years and wearing a t-shirt that said "my email password is 'tigers'" was a bad security decision on my part.