Making Friends is Easy

Okay. It's 2am. I've been up since 7:50am. I should be asleep. Ryan is already asleep. Today classes started again. I have two new professors so far. One is a perfect old man, one could be a perfect liberal. Heaven.

So I've been involved in a stupid mass email scandal. 3rd year law students are incredibly awesome people! Especially ones in the mass email racket. I can't believe we've already become such great friends. So mature! So witty! So sharp!
So it started with a Student Bar Assoc. announcement that there would be an all-law-school happy hour tomorrow evening.

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This 3rd Year Fowler guy replied to all of the law school that he would like them to change the date because he's busy and yeah yeah and ALSO (here comes his wonderfully hilarious joke attempt...)

"Since this is our last semester, we will be missing out on one of our last happy hours. For some of us, that means it is one of our last chances to prey upon unsuspecting 1L's."

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Genius! It's an email I usually would have deleted, but then Dave Mazur (a fellow 1st Year) sent out this reply to his reply:

"prey upon unsuspecting 1L's" You do realize the entire 1L class got this email, don't you? Way to keep a low profile.
Dave

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Next, Fowler mass emails this email to all the emails at MU Law:

ohmygod...the whole 1L class got it? No way. I always get "Reply" and "Reply To All" mixed up. I never can remember which one does what. What an unbelievable cyberspace blunder. I'll probably get it wrong again and end up sending this to all the 1L's, too...totally unintentionally, of course. I can't believe it. I'm ruined. My profile is blown, and now all the 1L's know our tricks.

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What a sharp guy! He's mastered the 12 year old's art of sarcasm through email! Everyone thinks he's hilarious now - even him! Dave comes back with this 1-2-punch:

Look, I didn't mean to get into a flame war with you, I just though the wording you chose was unfortunate.
You Win,
Dave

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Oh. Wait. Dave was being serious. He wasn't trying to out-douche the douche? What's going on? Where is the hilarious funny? I'm confused. Dave drops it here. He does the mature thing. I hate it when people making lame attempts at electronic bullying and weak humor "win." Since I've been meaning to drop a few "douchebags" in emails that go to the Dean and Administration, I sent this:

The jumping in of a 1L woman ~
I'd like to thank Dave for not being a condescending douchebag. Thank you for standing up and writing something.
I have no idea who Justin Fowler is, but his wording was unfortunate, inappropriate, and the second email he sent was entirely asinine. Justin, I hope you can find some "unsuspecting" ladies somewhere else, because the entire law school has seen what a creepy jerk you are.

Disgusted by Justin's idiocy,
Julia

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You think it would end there, but it just got more positive and loving! I received so many words of encouragement, even from Fowler himself! He is soooooooooo awesome. It makes me want to act in an "unsuspecting" manner around him! Here are a few of the awesome email snippets that mentioned my involvement (note too that these were sent out to the entire law school):

From Fowler:

...Specifically, to the 1L class...I hope that the majority of your class took this for what it's worth...an attempt at humor. I did not mean to belittle you in any way. I think I know like 6 of you, and have nothing against any of those I know.

More specifically, to Tara and the rest of the 2L girls...my apologies for excluding you. That was an oversight on my part. You are not old and unwanted...us creepy guys still think you're great. Also, Tara, thanks for having a sense of humor.

Even more specifically, to the guys in my class...I'm sorry I ruined everyone's game.

And now very specifically, to Ms. Bonham...gotta be honest, I'm not sure where that came from. I'm not sure how things escalated to schoolyard name-calling, especially since I don't think I called anyone anything in my emails, least of all you -- someone I don't know. "Condescending d***** bag", "creepy jerk", and, in not so many words "idiot". You didn't hold much back, did you? For what it's worth, I certainly didn't mean to write anything that someone would be so offended by, and I am sorry. If you're still sore about this, feel free to ask around until you find someone that knows who I am and have them point me out to you. We can talk about this if you feel the need. If it's all the same to you, though, I think I'll refrain from any name-calling.

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What a stand up guy. He really lays down the maturity and wisdom of a soon-to-be-practicing attorney!
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One mass email from a female friend of his:

That Bonham chick was right on point when she called you a condescending douchebag, if by "condescending douchebag" she meant "Pimp-stylie ingenious playa with mad game and 3 gigs worth of choice outlines." She's probably just bitter because she fell for it last semester and all she got for her trouble were some half-assed class notes from a FS '95 CyberLaw course. Ha. Weak.

All I can say is, props, man. Serious props. Hunting season is so on. Seniors '05 ROCK.

Aubree

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Aubree sounds awesome. I love the reference to "seniors" (it's a Senior thing! You wouldn't understand! Stick a fork in me, I'm done!!). I can't wait to start hanging out with her, maybe she'll call me "weak" some more! It will make me a stronger person. I know.
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Oh no! Wait! That was supposed to be a private email!! Aubree! You are my best friend because you can't keep those buttons straight! Punch me in the face again, please! Here is her email sent right after that one:

DAMN IT. I accidentally hit the "Reply to All" instead of the plain old "Reply" button too. Oops. Man that's so confusing, the way those two buttons are right next to each other.
Boy do I ever feel chagrined. Anyway, uh, if you're not a 3L guy or Ashley Hoover, please disregard my last e-mail. No please, don't even read it. Sorry for the mix up.

Aubree

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Oh Aubree! The fun we have together. Me, not addressing you or even knowing of your existence... you.. being such an awesome friend and picking me up from the "doctor" when I had to fix that "problem." Secrets, Aubree!
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Then, my new closest friend "Tommy" writes me these serious words of encouragement:

julia,
i would suggest you might take yourself a little too seriously.
tommy

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Damn, Tommy. You got me pegged. I hate fun. I hate laughter. I hate flirting. I hate wit. I hate sarcasm. I hate your Jesus. I think I need to "Let The Moose Loose" {Holla Jesse Long}.
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So it basically ends there. I've also received encouraging emails from other women and men in the law school who were also unhappy with the way that douche acted. I really did appreciate them. Ryan was defensive, but he laughed and laughed at the email when I sent it. I thought it was clever... "creepy jerk" always comes across as a thoughtful description.

Jesus. This Fowler guy and his friends - though the emails, he came across as a certifiable douche. No doubt in my mind. Middle school group-think & loyalties to gender stereotypes keep the world spinning. I will never apologize or back down from what I wrote.

If you still doubt the reasons for people being mad (i.e. No sense of humor, bitch!) just think of it this way, what if Fowler or some idiot like him had written this addition to the rescheduling of the Happy Hour:

"Since this is our last semester, we will be missing out on one of our last happy hours. For some of us, that means it is one of our last chances to prey upon unsuspecting black people."

Oh. No. That's racist! I hate racism! Why can't I have a sense of humor when it comes to mass emailed, mildly racist humor?! Why?!? Oh wait. Humor at a woman's expense is cool. Lighten up, bitch! You can shove that ERA up your dimply ass. Get back to dressing like a slut and swilling well drinks at Happy Hour. Thank you - back to normal, woman.

Love,
Slagatha Christie

I wish more men could be like super-manager David Brent.