Hear me out!

Okay, so we all know that Scientology is a cult made up by L. Ron Hubbard. In making his cult on a bet, he had to incorporate all different kinds of fables & religious influences, right? Right. Jump to today. Scientology's elders are in charge of Hubbard's empire. They await his rebirth. Conspiracy theory time:

TomKat got married because they made a "perfect" couple in the eyes of Scientology. The elders of Scientology wanted the tru successor of Hubbard to be raised by the greatest & most beloved couple in the world (world = Hollywood in this case), so they approved TomKat to be their Mary & Joseph (MarJo? Woot!). Since one half of TomKat is a total horticultural lad (shout out Errn & Patrick), the couple was unable to conceive a child. The elders were aware of this pitfall, so they prepared. Two elders conceived a child together, and TomKat was supposed to raise the child as their own. To do this, Kat would have to fake a pregnancy for the future image of Scientology. So right now, their stupid baby is missing. Where is it? Either the birthmother is overdue, or having 2nd thoughts about putting her child in the care of someone who is as crazy as fuckin' TomKat...

This theory could turn in to something. Hopefully Scientology will threaten to sue me if I don't remove this post and I can finally have proof that my theory is correct! Time to call the Weekly World News...