Jason Kempf -- will you marry me?... Oh snap! Too late.

Wedding Time! Jason & Ashley got hitched yesterday. She looked beautiful! I took pictures, but left my camera in Mike's car. In Jefferson fuckin' City. Hopefully I'll get it back soon and post those bitches up on the interwebs, but Mike's car got stolen a few weeks ago and I taunted him about it -- so I'm pretty sure that my camera won't be there when we come back for it. Karma and whatnot. I'll discuss the service and the reception itself in a later post because I'm sans-camera. You gotsta see that girl's wedding dress! Breathtaking.

Since the service was at 11:00 am, but the reception wasn't until 4:30 pm, Erin, Ben, Mike & I had a significant chunk of time to kill. What we did:

-- Have you seen the bigger piggies in their starched white shirts?
Lunch with Dave at that restaurant in Jeff City where all the politicians eat steaks and casually discuss stepping on the necks of the poor to increase their profits from ethanol investments. Regardless, I still had one of the best plates of calamari I've ever had. Top 5. Most definitely.

-- Crabcakes' Jeff City: A Driving Tour.
Mike showed us the seedy underbelly of the town he's come to know and love. We drove by the Cracked Crab twelve times before I stopped counting. That boy is insatiable! We also had three separate conversations about Dungeness crab during the night. Shocker.

-- Rantin' n' Ravin' at Matt Blunt.
We took pictures around the Governor's Mansion. Erin gave him a piece of her mind on video. Oh did she ever! Ben's political career is underway. Especially when he spoke with those... common people... taking down chairs in the courtyard. The rest of us scoffed at them and put our noses up in the air as we walked by. As you should when trapsing around Jeff City in suits and satin and silk dresses.

-- Tolbert, Beadle & Mo' Money.
Mike & Ben flocked to International Wines while I took a few pictures of Erin standing in front of the law offices of Tolbert, Beadle & Musgrave. SETTLE IT! Robert Vaughn was hanging out in the strip mall parking lot. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention. The TB&M office was located in a strip mall. What a surprise! I thought they were more powerful than Bryan Cave and Hezbollah combined, but I guess not.

-- Bonesmokin.
Of course, the Crabcakes' Jeff City tour wouldn't be complete without a stop at a bar. We went to Bones Lounge & Restaurant. We even got to see Bones himself sitting at the bar. In the flesh. They call him Bonesy!

The reception came next. I'll wait until my camera is returned so's I can make a full pictorial entry detailing every slithery booty shake on the dance floor and every tear Jason shed in the process. Erin & I communed with cows for a bit. Real cows, not fat chicks.

I'm still tired! I slept on my mattress in the unairconditioned upstairs last night because Crabcakes & Minotaur passed out on the two couches. Bastards.

Oh my holy fuck! 227 is on TV Land right now!!! 227!! I absolutely loved this show when it was on. Just now, I even managed to catch the opening theme song that I loved so very much.

...there's no place like hoo-ooome... and I mean NO PLACE child!

More to come.

"Meeeerrryy. I got a date with a doooccctor."
- Jackée