Vitamin Deeeeeez NUTZ! (sorry. I couldn't resist)

Oh snap, girl! This is your 200th blog entry! Where you been? Why are you writing an entry at 7:55 a.m. on Memorial Day morning? Shouldn't you be asleep?! Yes. Yes I should. Sadly, sleep has escaped me lately. I've had about 2 weeks of freedom since graduation and I've managed to turn my sleep schedule completely on its head. Go to bed at dawn, sleep until I have somewhere to be. This plan is working for now, but it's all going to come to a crashing halt when the bar review classes start on Wednesday. Wednesday?! But that's only two days away! I tried to go to sleep tonight at a decent hour, but to no avail. My mind is racing. Spinning in circles. Since it's long past sunup, my plan today is to stay awake until I collapse out of sheer exhaustion. So sad. In contrast to my notoriously awesome feats of procrastination in undergrad, law school taught me that I've grown too old to pull all-nighters. Some other things law school taught me:

-- Stress can actually make you go gray at the tender age of 25. Last month, I let my roots grow out a little too long and noticed that HALF of ALL MY FUCKING HAIR has turned gray. My temples are around 80%. Hoping that this shit is somehow reversible, I called my mom for advice. She said that gray hair is gray hair forever. Jesus.

-- Flashcards are the only way I learn anything... wait. Maybe I learned that lesson when I got my Sesame Street Grover Speaks Spanish® cards at age 4, but I tend to forget the important stuff. Like your birthday. And Spanish.

-- Law school doesn't prepare you to be a lawyer. It prepares you to sit for hours and concentrate on mind-numbing material long enough to take the bar exam. Personally, I recommend cutting out the $70,000.00 debt-making middle man and just signing up for one of those home-based "Professional Career Development Institute" courses I see on the TV. You know, where you can study to become a paralegal. Then just take the bar exam. Accreditation? Aschmeditation! To back up my suggestion, here's a testimony I stole off the actual PCDI website:


-- Hmmm.... well... yeah... that's about all law school taught me. I guess it also helped me to hone my reptilian brain, but I'm not too proud of that. Mostly because it makes me an asshole. [sidenote: If you haven't yet clicked on the link for "reptilian brain," you're missing out. It exposes the shocking connection between a well-developed reptilian brain and THE ILLUMINATI -- Errrn, I smell me some Reptile Rapture!!!]

Last night, I saw a story on the local "news" (i.e. a pound of fluff wrapped in 30 minutes of flubbed lines and mismatched video clips) about vitamin D deficiency. Are you vitamin D deficient? Probably. Here's the scoop on vitamin D. If you're like me -- on a gluten-free diet, moderately lactose intolerant, and you burst into flames when exposed to sunlight -- vitamin D can be hard to come by. Wait. Did I just describe myself? Or a vampire? Or a Vampyr Kryst? Regardless, here's a link to a factsheet on vitamin D. Read it... or get rickets! The fact sheet says you're supposed to have around 200 IU of vitamin DEEEEEEZ NUTZ (damn! I did it again!) per day. My multivitamin has 400 IU, so hopefully I'm covering my bases. If not, I'll be forced to resort to a life of chugging cod liver oil.

You want to see some pictures of my graduation? Here. I was going to only post a few choice photos, but I'm too lazy to pick them out. Special bonus! Something the cameras didn't capture? Polyester dress + heavy velvet & polyester robe + hot sunny day = me sweating like balls.

Yikes! This post is awful. I apologize to you, my faithful reader. You = Horus, because he's the only faithful reader I got.

Since today is Memorial Day, is there a parade or something I can go to? I need a parade right now. Sans rain. Example:


Oh! Special Bonus Funny Girl Clip Memorial Day Blowout Extravaganza!! You're welcome:


Holy shit. I was only going to post one bonus clip, but this is too good. Ready for this? Diana Ross & the Supremes performing my absolute favorite song from Funny Girl (confession? I call it "my theme song" because I'm a fag). This performance manages to swing from creepy to absolutely fabulous to back to creepy. Much like Diana Ross herself.