"Bitch, I don't need ya... Let the welfare feed ya..."
Pimp Lucius (as played by R. Kelly) sang the above statement in Chapter 19 of Chapters 13-22 of Trapped in the Closet. Which recently premiered on IFC. Which I watched tonight for the second time. Which is supremely and entirely awesome.
But now I'm bored.
Wait. Perhaps my perceived "boredom" is actually a massive case of post-bar exam blues (a.k.a. the great jobless depression -- much like postpartum depression, but without the gnawing realization that your baby is unattractive and you didn't really want it in the first place -- I just need to get a job). On an up note, my house is finally coming together. For the first time since I moved in, I actually enjoy sitting in my office. Hmmmm... I have a great idea! Instant fun!
That glimmer of nerdy magic in my eye and that intentional cleavage shot can mean only one thing -- a grand tour of my apartment! Let's journey through my house together. I went paint-crazy, so I'll highlight the colors rather than the boxes still stacked around the house. (sidebar: WHY DON'T OLD HOUSES HAVE CLOSETS?!?)
We'll start with the living room, which I painted brown. "Tatami Tan" is what they call it 'round these parts.
Next, we travel into the kitchen, where Thunderdome is as bored as I am.
You like the paint? It's called "Sunfart," or something like that.
My favorite office ever. Orange accent wall! I chose the color not because of the actual color, but because it's called "Obstinate Orange." which reminded me of Miss O from The Letter People (because she was OBBBSTINATE!!!).
Red bathroom!! I call it "Sassafrass," but Sherwin Williams still calls it "Daredevil"
It compliments Wonder Woman nicely.
So that makes me happy (even though I'm lacking makeup).
I got a blue bedroom!
...and a beige hallway.
Damn! I have to stop ending the tour with that hallway. My mom forced me at putty knife-point to paint the damned thing beige. She was right. It's better than plain white.
Well that's the tour. I could show you my deeeeelightful front porch, but it's nothing to write home about yet. Needs patio furniture. Potted plants. You know the drill. Also, please don't take this little tour as an open invitation to break into my house and rape me or anything. I've been watching an obscene amount of Rockford Files lately, and old Jimbo has certainly taught me how to swing a punch. Also how to lure a henchman into a public bathroom and humiliate him with taunts and handsoap.
More to come on Rockford Files later.
For now I'll try to sleep. Stupid sleep. I'm so bored that even sleep is boring.
Sorry that I haven't returned your calls lately. I will soon.
Labels: $200 a day + expenses, tours galore, yaaaawwwnnn
posted by Julia @ 1:10 AM
5 Comments:
Interesting...you come out of your blog boycott mere hours after Bryan and I were talking about how you rarely venture out anymore.
And yes, the fact that most old houses lack closets is supremely frustrating. I have a four bedroom house and only two medium-sized closets. That doesn't leave a lot of room for my still, bulk meth ingredients, sex swing, and porn. As you can guess, I don't invite many people over.
You're settling. HAHA! Grown up!
I have a Spidey-sense when it comes to people discussing how lame I've become.
Oh! It just happened again, but my senses tell me that it was my MOM making fun of me. Damn, Mom! That's some cold shit!
I keep trying to go out more, but Jon has started crating me while he's away. I pee on the floor when he's gone.
SETTLE THIS, EVAN! ("this" was me flashing some stem at you)
Why would you be worried about getting a home invasion? That's never happened to me.
I have an orange wall too!! I have pics of it on my blog, come check it out!
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