A Smorgasbord of... gossip? drama? pickled herring and cheese?

A bad updater am I. Here are a few things:

1) Our wild Saturday night yesterday consisted of somehow watching Dateline. I won't link to the show, because I hate Dateline ever so much. NBC replaced my beloved Freaks & Geeks with it in 2000, so I've been holding this grudge for 6 years now... So we're watching Dateline, right? The feature story was set in Texas. All about a woman named Molly whose white trash, child rapist husband, Clayton, "died" in a car accident. A month after he dies, she starts seeing this new mysterious white trash guy who looks exactly like her husband with dyed brown hair. Of course, she & the husband faked his death to escape the law and collect massive amounts of insurance scrilla. The body they found in his burned-out car? A corpse. Of an elderly woman. That they DUG UP FROM A GRAVE IN A CEMETARY. So the couple's 4-year-old son starts trying to push kids down stairs, the Texas Rangers get suspicious (the cops, not the team), the show goes to commercial break -- and returns with this dramatic graphic introduction:

"Chapter 4: Takedown at the Taco Bell"

The couple was apparently dining at a Taco Bell when they were swarmed by a SWAT team [TEXAS SWAT, I hope]. Here is an arresting officer's account of his encounter with our boy Clayton posing as the new boyfriend:

"He looked at me. I looked at him. He pretty much said 'Oh Fuck.'"

Yeah. The cop said "fuck" on Dateline while trying to water down his response so as not to offend the public. After white trash child rapist faker of his own death was arrested and put in jail, he started bragging about his stupid plan to cellmates [ACLU sidenote: DON'T BRAG ABOUT YOUR ILLEGAL EXPLOITS IF THEY REALLY HAPPENED.] Stone Phillips did this voiceover of the encounter:

"Clayton blabbed on about he and Molly's repulsive -- and deeply creepy -- scheme."

Deeply Creepy indeed, Stone.

2) Erin sez: "Hey! Make sure you talk about that Mad About You comin' to Nick-at-Nite on there!"
Done and done. Now I'll remember to never watch it.

3) Heads up, NY Times Crossword Puzzle Juice Bags! Slate just told me that something shocking happened in Monday's puzzle. Shocking! Scumbag?!

4) Wikipedia is down right now, so my links aren't up to par. I apologize. Wait. No. I don't apologize... sheeeeiiitt....

5) Erin & I took a field trip to D & H Drugstore {your family drugstore} on Friday. I bought a sheet of hilarious American Pride-themed stickers. What should I put them on? My face? Your car? Okay!



She screamed till her face got so red
Then she fell on the floor,
And I covered her up and then
Thought I'd go look through her drawer.