Gah!

I'm watching Access Hollywood (AH) and my brain cells are depleting by the second. Before I die a slow and painful death -- I just remembered this -- a long long time before I could read, I used to bring my Dad the funny pages and insist that he read every single comic to me. I remember this from the time I was about three years old. That may be my oldest memory. I wonder if that's where I learned my sense of timing when it came to making funny. Indulge my egotistical tendencies here -- he was the first person I heard telling jokes on a daily basis, and he would make weird pauses before reading the very last frame of the comic. Yeah. I know. I should be asleep. Some quick notes from AH (that's "Access Hollywood" to you, squares)....

1. There's a controversy on Dancing with the Stars because people are concerned that Mario Lopez has had "special secret" dancing training in his past which he failed to disclose to the show. Yeah, AC. We've seen your bullshit on Saved by the Bell. Pleeeeeeeaaaaazzzze.

2. Anna Nicole Smith's "alleged" baby daddy was concerned about the pictures released right after her newest spawn was born and just hours before her old spawn died. "Their first photos of their family! AND ALSO THEIR LAST." {seriously quoted from AH} So her baby daddy claims that, in one of the last photos of Anna's son ever taken in the whole history of the world.... Dead Daniel was wearing a necklace BABY DADDY gave Anna before he impregnated her!!! So not only is the kid dead, he was dead wearing a woman's necklace given to her by a soul-sucking whoreboy with bleach-tipped hair.

3. Seriously, how can the hosts of these shows sleep at night? This is worse than anything a lawyer could be capable of. My chosen profession can't be this degrading... can it?

4. I think I might have a sensitivity to gluten. More to come on that. It's time to sleep.



Thanks for not being a pussy