Vitamin Deeeeeez NUTZ! (sorry. I couldn't resist)

Oh snap, girl! This is your 200th blog entry! Where you been? Why are you writing an entry at 7:55 a.m. on Memorial Day morning? Shouldn't you be asleep?! Yes. Yes I should. Sadly, sleep has escaped me lately. I've had about 2 weeks of freedom since graduation and I've managed to turn my sleep schedule completely on its head. Go to bed at dawn, sleep until I have somewhere to be. This plan is working for now, but it's all going to come to a crashing halt when the bar review classes start on Wednesday. Wednesday?! But that's only two days away! I tried to go to sleep tonight at a decent hour, but to no avail. My mind is racing. Spinning in circles. Since it's long past sunup, my plan today is to stay awake until I collapse out of sheer exhaustion. So sad. In contrast to my notoriously awesome feats of procrastination in undergrad, law school taught me that I've grown too old to pull all-nighters. Some other things law school taught me:

-- Stress can actually make you go gray at the tender age of 25. Last month, I let my roots grow out a little too long and noticed that HALF of ALL MY FUCKING HAIR has turned gray. My temples are around 80%. Hoping that this shit is somehow reversible, I called my mom for advice. She said that gray hair is gray hair forever. Jesus.

-- Flashcards are the only way I learn anything... wait. Maybe I learned that lesson when I got my Sesame Street Grover Speaks Spanish® cards at age 4, but I tend to forget the important stuff. Like your birthday. And Spanish.

-- Law school doesn't prepare you to be a lawyer. It prepares you to sit for hours and concentrate on mind-numbing material long enough to take the bar exam. Personally, I recommend cutting out the $70,000.00 debt-making middle man and just signing up for one of those home-based "Professional Career Development Institute" courses I see on the TV. You know, where you can study to become a paralegal. Then just take the bar exam. Accreditation? Aschmeditation! To back up my suggestion, here's a testimony I stole off the actual PCDI website:


-- Hmmm.... well... yeah... that's about all law school taught me. I guess it also helped me to hone my reptilian brain, but I'm not too proud of that. Mostly because it makes me an asshole. [sidenote: If you haven't yet clicked on the link for "reptilian brain," you're missing out. It exposes the shocking connection between a well-developed reptilian brain and THE ILLUMINATI -- Errrn, I smell me some Reptile Rapture!!!]

Last night, I saw a story on the local "news" (i.e. a pound of fluff wrapped in 30 minutes of flubbed lines and mismatched video clips) about vitamin D deficiency. Are you vitamin D deficient? Probably. Here's the scoop on vitamin D. If you're like me -- on a gluten-free diet, moderately lactose intolerant, and you burst into flames when exposed to sunlight -- vitamin D can be hard to come by. Wait. Did I just describe myself? Or a vampire? Or a Vampyr Kryst? Regardless, here's a link to a factsheet on vitamin D. Read it... or get rickets! The fact sheet says you're supposed to have around 200 IU of vitamin DEEEEEEZ NUTZ (damn! I did it again!) per day. My multivitamin has 400 IU, so hopefully I'm covering my bases. If not, I'll be forced to resort to a life of chugging cod liver oil.

You want to see some pictures of my graduation? Here. I was going to only post a few choice photos, but I'm too lazy to pick them out. Special bonus! Something the cameras didn't capture? Polyester dress + heavy velvet & polyester robe + hot sunny day = me sweating like balls.

Yikes! This post is awful. I apologize to you, my faithful reader. You = Horus, because he's the only faithful reader I got.

Since today is Memorial Day, is there a parade or something I can go to? I need a parade right now. Sans rain. Example:


Oh! Special Bonus Funny Girl Clip Memorial Day Blowout Extravaganza!! You're welcome:


Holy shit. I was only going to post one bonus clip, but this is too good. Ready for this? Diana Ross & the Supremes performing my absolute favorite song from Funny Girl (confession? I call it "my theme song" because I'm a fag). This performance manages to swing from creepy to absolutely fabulous to back to creepy. Much like Diana Ross herself.

An Urgent Message from a MySpace Bulletin I Just Posted:

If you live in Columbia, Missouri... riddle me this....

What is the most annoying local commercial you can think of? We should form a consensus on this, decide the most irritating one, and start a letter writing campaign to the Columbia Tribune -- INSISTING that Big-Shot Mayor Darwin Hindman weigh in on this issue.

Check him out:



My vote is for the "Shoulda called Atkins" commercial that uses the public domain footage of old Tarzan movies. The worst. Jon & I just added up the numbers tonight and realized that fucking commercial has been playing for around five years. Five years too long, Atkins.

Idle threats.


I took a 3 1/2 hour long final this morning. Thirty two minutes ago, I emailed in a 16 page research paper. My brain is fried on school. I have a closed-book, three hour long final tomorrow morning at 8:30.

In one week, I'll be totally done with law school and ready to return to my life of high society. Remember me, America? I'll be seeing you soon. Especially the part of America with bars. I miss Eastside.