Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Boner Jams '06!

My favorite picture the Tribune has ever published:



You can't deny the awesomeness of this photo. Especially since it was taken during a "dress as your favorite character from literature" day at a local elementary school.

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Booot boot boot

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....

I'm bored.

I've been bored all day.

So I Googled myself.

You know what I discovered? THE SUB-PAR MEDIA IS ALL OVER MY ASS!!

Back in November, I was knitting at Coffee Zone with Miss Amy M and had the pleasure of being interviewed by a dashing prepubescent lad named Tyler. Tyler whispered sweet nothings into our ears and coaxed our knitting histories out of us. Then he turned around and used them in an article for the Missourian. That cad. Checkitout!

Sidenote... remember the TV show called "Check it Out"? I became enamored with it during the week I had chicken pox in 4th grade. I've never seen it since then, but I'm pretty sure it was the greatest sitcom ever put to film. Ain't nothin' finer than grocery store-themed humor.

Anyway, my Google journey then led me to two Maneater articles from 2000 that profiled my dorm roommate Katie and I. Kick axe!

Article 1 a.k.a. "The Most Poorly Written Article I've Ever Read"

Article 2 a.k.a. "The Poorly Written Follow-Up"

Okay. Enough of this. I've even become bored with blogging.

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

List-o-rama: Quarter-Life Crisis Edition

As you can tell by the egregious lack of updates, I'm still not back in the swing of things. In fact, I'm feeling so far out of the swing of things, that I'm probably going through some kind of quarter-life crisis. I'm in the throes of my last semester as a student and I don't want it to end. The prospect of taking the bar and getting a real job is terrifying to me. Bastards. How's about a lighthearted list of awesomeness to lift our mood? Here goes:

1. What does one do if she feels that she's experiencing a quarter-life crisis? Why she gets her hair did, of course. Browntastic! I'm looking more and more like my evil twin every day...












2. Oh! I got a J-O-B as Royce's research assistant. Although I hear I'm not the only one. If the rumors are true, Bryan, looks like we'll be sharing him for the semester. I say we have t-shirts made. T-shirts with pictures of naked chicks on them, because we want to convey the sense that Royce's RAs are baddest of badasses. Only a badass would wear a titty shirt to school, right?

3. Yeah, it's 10:00 and I'm not in class. So? You wanna fight? Admin Law started at 9:30 this morning, and I woke up on my own at 9:35. That alarm clock isn't all it promised to be. Mainly the "waking me up" part.

4. My apartment is fiiiinally coming together. I went to the Targetz on Monday and bought a whole bunch of decorative boxes to organize my makeup & hair stuff. And yes, one of the boxes looks like it's made from dead animal bones. You don't want to know what I keep inside of my bone box...

5. I also bought this dang ol' dragon because my Feng Shui book told me that dragons bring good energy to your home. Dragon!


6. List within a list! My favorite new shows that I actually set reminders on my cable box to remind me to watch:

- Bad Girls Club (because Ripsi be back!)
- The White Rappers Show (because dem white folks is crazy!)
- Engaged & Underage (again, dem white folks is crazy)
- Dateline: To Catch a Predator (because I'm waiting to see Jon on there)

7. Okay, so there aren't that many shows rattling around in my head right now. Did you notice that Jon has started a blog on Blogspot? He's finally freed himself of the mental shackles placed on him by Rupert Murdoch. In fact, Jon is just like a slave. He washed 800 pounds of my laundry last night and instead of thanking him, I whipped him and locked him in the trunk of my car. Slaves went through that, right? Whew! I no longer have to wear paper towels as underwear! I appreciate him.

8. Best parent of the year award?

9. Dead baby in a suitcase award!

... and with that, my wad is blown. Time to put on my face and trudge to Estates & Trusts.

Friday, January 12, 2007

My 40 day vacation from this blog was court-ordered...

but I'm back now! Don't leave me now, baby! Give me one more chance. I'll CHANGE, baby! I'LL CHANGE!!

I've managed to stay alive for an entire MONTH after turning 25, so I think I'm owed a present. You'll have the honor of buying me this:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
It's called a "Kittywalk 5th Avenue Pet Stroller" and I will be using it to walk my babies around downtown... in a stroller-cage. I found it on Linens-n-Things.com. It's not deserving of a link.

Jon got off work early today because of the treacherous, icy conditions. So he came home, got bored, and promptly wrote this on the back of the receipt for his watch:

---------------------------------------------
Plot Notes: Hollywood Romp a.k.a. Cannonball Run Meets Steel Magnolias in the Bathroom at Chili's
-- Still-beating heart of a deceased infant licked clean by Jim Bakker
-- Demanding an apology from God
-- Swimming instructor for 17 cats
-- Nell Carter and her best friend, former U.S. Congressman Newt Gingrich, knew that having sex would just complicate their relationship, but fate had other plans...
-- Entire cast of "Meerkat Manor" thrown into mouth of active volcano by Jennifer Aniston.
---------------------------------------------

Genius!