The Great Santino

So Jason Lee just sent me an email about this Santino Rice fellow who is a contestant on Project Runway. Check out his bio.

Yeah! That's right, mutherfucker! Santino is from St. Charles, MO!?! I know. I was impressed too. He totally looks like someone who was born & raised in St. Charles [someone just like meeeeeeee....]

I left a gushing, complementary comment on Santarino's blog - I hope he approves it! Just in case Sarinara rejects my professed love and admiration, I sent a copy to Jason for safekeeping.

Ryan & I got back from St. Charles last night. Christmas was nice. Ryan got me subscriptions to all of the magazines I cherish. Newsweek, Bust, Glamour & Spin. Totally kickass. Wonderful Christmas.

Oh shit! Ryan's grandma bought me a Coach handbag for Christmas. Jealous, Jesse? I knew you would be. That's the only reason I'm even mentioning it - because everyone knows how much I hate totally fucking awesome amazing delicious Coach handbags. In fact, here is a picture of the exact bag I received. Imagine me with this over my shoulder. Even more Jealous than before? Don't be. You can touch it if you want to. For a small fee.

Call me! I'm alone!

Oh fun....

Okay. Since I'm unimaginative and unmotivated to be clever, I stole this survey/quiz/time-waster from Jocelyn's blog. It's a run down of things on your iPod or other less-awesome MP3 device. You should have an MP3 player to fill this out, so poor people need not apply. However, I'm feeling lazy -- so I'm just going to survey my entire library of songs on iTunes stored on this computer. Even the ones I downloaded from Napster in the dorms. Even the Mr. Belvedere Theme Song:

How many songs?
1750

Sort by artist
First artist: A-ha!
Last artist: The Zombies

Sort by song title
First Song: "(Don't Break These) Chains of Love" - Diana Ross & the Supremes
Last Song: "Zobilee Zoo" - Theme Song to the awesome show.

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: "One Last 'Woo-Hoo!' for the Pullman" - Sufjan Stevens - 0:06
Longest Song: "Papa was a Rolling Stone" - The Temptations - 30:15 [I had no idea this song was so long. I'm listening to it right now. 12 minutes in. No bullshit]

First Album: 5150 - Eazy E
Last Album: You Forgot it in People - Broken Social Scene

First song that comes up on Shuffle: "Leaning Against the Wall (Remix)" - Kings of Convenience - Versus

How many songs come up when you search for "sex"?
12

How many songs come up when you search for "death"?
5

How many songs come up when you search for "love"?
79

How many songs come up when you search for "you"?
172

How many songs come up when you search for "why"?
3

Put the next 20 songs that come up on shuffle:
1. "I Can't Wait" - Ol' Dirty Bastard (aka ODB, aka Dirt Dog, aka Big Baby Jesus)
2. "Jenny Take a Ride" - Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels
3. "Superfly" - Curtis Mayfield
4. "Sick of Myself" - Matthew Sweet
5. "Little Kids (Remix)" - Kings of Convenience
6. "Merry Muthafuckin Christmas" - Eazy E
7. "The Love I'm Searching For" - The Rentals
8. "Touch & Go" - The Cars
9. "Season of the Witch" - Donovan
10. "Hurricane" - Bob Dylan
11. "Malibu" - Hole
12. "Gloria" - Patty Smyth
13. "An Eye for an Empty Heart" - Holly Golightly
14. "Your Honor" - Regina Spektor & Kill Kenada
15. "Set it Off" - Peaches
16. "Song for the Dumped (Japanese Version)" - Ben Folds Five
17. "Spooky" - Dusty Springfield
18. "Perfect Day" - Lou Reed
19. "Tout Doucement" - Feist
20. "I Think I See the Light" - Cat Stevens



Wasn't that exciting?

I'm so spent from that endeavor that I'm going to take a nap now.... tough day.... yess....

Court is in session!

Dude, I fucking love the show Judge Alex. Of course its just like every other judge show on daytime television, but Judge Alex has something that Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, People's Court Lady, and Texas Justice are all lacking... rugged good looks. Judge Alex is a needle in the haystack of courtroom lookers. He's like a blend of Puddy from Seinfeld and Chris Meloni from Law & Order SVU. Also he's a "judge," so that's commendable. On imdb, they have quotes from the show. My favorite:

Judge Alex: [to his litigants] ...This courtroom is my house, and I will bounce you if you don't follow my rules!

Yeah! You give them a big bounce of attractive, daytime courtroom reality, Judge Alex!

Also, it's on right now. Every weekday from 11-noon on channel 11. Brilliant.

Gots to go. Judge Alex is back on......

AAaahhahaha...

Jesse and I text message each other while watching Oprah's Favorite Things 2005 episode (encore presentation):

[when Oprah calls out first Hurricane Katrina "Hero" in the audience]

Me: "lady in blue. yeah. you." classy.
Jesse: Nice
Me: These women are batshit loco!
Jesse: I'm waiting for "you get a car you get a car"
Jesse: They get fuckin burberry

Oh man. Oprah is giving out Uggs to the "heroes" of the Hurricane. (wait. is it "heroes" or "heros"?) I can't stop watching this. It's like heroin for my soul.

Isn't that a song?

Hugs & Chevy's FreshMex,

J-Bomb

It is the Brand new video I-Pod!!!

The End is Near!

In this issue: Almost done with all of my bullshit. Also I'm 24. I loves the Illinoise!

Con Law final is on Wednesday. Its Monday. I'm studying, studying, compiling notes into outlines, wondering how much Black & Stewart's personal differences in Griswold will actually matter on the final. Puke. The best part of all this bullshit is that I'll be done with it all on Wednesday! Then I can focus my whole Winter Break on being poor, not having a job, and buying lots of gifts . Also reading. I want to read some books during my vacation.

The books:
1. the remainder of Shop Girl
2. Al Franken's new one
3. Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell (because I realized at Classy's italian dinner the other night that I had never finished it)
4. The O'Reilly Factor for Kids (because I don't think my level of understanding has reached adulthood when it comes to Bill O'Reilly's brazilliance)
5. The Bible (psych!)
6. Magazines

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 24. I feel older already - but in a good way - like my brain is heavier with the knowledge and experiences I have collected in the past year (it could also be this giant sombrero I'm wearing right now). If y'alls are in town and interested - the birthday celebrating will probably take place on Thursday. Maybe a restaurant outing? Maybe something awesome? {Comment with your ideas because my brain can only think in Outline form right now}

In my pursuit of hilarious, lame birthday songs on I-Tunes yesterday, I decided to get something potentially tasteful. So I chose Sufjan Stevens' Illinois. I've listened to it three times today... in a row! I love it. I can't stop listening to it. Every song sounds connected to the album's Illinois theme, but at the same time entirely unique. Come to my house if you want to listen to it (unless you want to rob me, rape me, or kill me - then I'll send it to you in the mail).

Catch you later, suckers.

My Holiday Wish List (a work in progress):

In the spirit of procrastination, I would like to start off my holiday/upcoming birthday wish list. Here are the things that my REAL FRIENDS will buy for me:

A glamorized pink & gold Eazy E t-shirt.

A pair gold of Eazy E hotpants, or the 'Eazy E Meets Gidget Dress.'

A Golden Girls T-Shirt.

Pretty much anything from the Bust website store.

Also, I would like another "Lobsterita" from Red Lobster. While they claim to be "giants" among frozen tequila drinks, the Lobsteritas are nothing more than... PHENOMENAL!!!! Bigger than a baby's head. AND they come with a red, shining plastic necklace... with a LOBSTER on the end of it. No homo. Ask Jesse. She witnessed the monstrosity that was "LOBSTERITA."

Oh Yo! Oh Yo! Catch This! Catch This!

Okay, so here's what's goin down.....

Thursday night. Ryan & I are standing around in the kitchen. Micah calls from work and says:

"You know what this sign says?" and I says
"No. What." and he says
"'On Saturday, December 4th, Grindstone will be closing for business." and I says
"Holy Fuck. You mean we don't have a job anymore?!" and he says
"Yep. Closing forever."

So apparently, Sam Chou was trying to buy out Taz the head brewer/co-owner. During the negotiations, Taz storms out and quits as owner and brewer. So Sam Chou didn't have a brewer. So he decided to close the fucking restaurant. With 4 days notice. Three weeks before Christmas. Goooooo.....

The next night, a few of us go up to Grindstone for dinner. I'm talking to the other servers and Ashleigh says:

"You haven't heard?" and I says
"No. What?" and she says
"SAM CHOU'S HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND LAST NIGHT. HIS $600,000 HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND." and I says
"Holy fuck. You mean he has no place to sleep?" and she says
"Yep. To the ground." and I says
"It was probably God smiting him down."

Then I realized that he had committed insurance fraud by "accidentally" leaving a pile of smoldering embers next to his garage right after he burned some leaves.

While his wife and child were out of town.

While his house was on the market.

While his restaurant was preparing to close.

Here is the article about it from the Tribune.

Hahhahaa.....

AAAHAHAHAH!!!

The best part of it is:

If he did it on purpose,
he's a bad person and should go to jail.
If he did it on accident,
he deserved it. 4 days notice. Karma.