Duuude... it's blowing my mind!

this one is being posed to the public...

1. Which is scarier? A wolf or a tiger? Why?

2. How much of your answer to #1 was influenced by your perpetual involvement with the University of Missouri - columbia (home of the TIGERS) and the incessant ad campaign ruthlessly conducted by the University using YOUR tax money?!?

Think about that, IATS Employee...

Halloween Extravaganza of Pain

So last night was the Halloween party. It basically kicked ass. We had a keg of Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat that lasted only 4 1/2 hours after being tapped. Perfect timing. We even recouped most of our expenses and the house looked squeaky clean after it was all over! Lovely party. I'm glad everyone showed up. Even the jerks I hate.

I got a few pictures, but I found myself quite busy drinking/singing Tribe Called Quest songs/spilling beer on jerks/watching Ryan pass out in pleather pants.

Here they is...

Dark Lord Ryan. Black Metal God. Extreme Pleather Pants Wearer.


Marilyn Monroe, Lara Croft & Rainbow Brite... Lovely.


My boys nailed that Anchorman look...


So Goth I even hang out with serial killers... Damn that girl is pale!


Kniep makes a mean Luigi.. a mean drunk Luigi


Even after her husband was killed, Jackie O still hates that bitch...


Erin & Chris are spectacular Party Monsters... they even killed a drug dealer to authenticate the look...


Mazur Brothers smoke while they flip the bird...

Cheerio!!

So Jesse just told me about this amazing man who appeared today on Good Morning America. What vision! What bravery to speak the truth!

Formula for my Perfect Man:
1 Part That Dude + 2 Parts Jeremy Hollingshead + 1 Part This Dude = A lifetime of servitude, nightly marital rape, and a thorough tongue-lashing to top it all off.


I deserve it because I nag.

Love,
Mrs. Unemployed-Ad-Exec-Racist-Fraternity-Defender-Best-God-Damned-Justice-to-Ever-Grace-the-Godgiven-Bench

Post-Juvenile Delinquency

Okay. For the first time in the WHOLE semester, I'm missing Evidence. Right now. Rightnow. I stayed up late doing that stupid midterm and I don't have the desire to drag myself to class today. So there.

Ryan's blog is on fire. Hot fire. I would check it out before it crumbles under the weight of its own awesomeness.

A List of Movies about which Ryan and I have said "We're going to see that..." and we never did:
1. 40 Year Old Virgin
2. Wallace & Gromit
3. Elizabethtown
4. Waiting
5. Corpse Bride
6. Serenity
7. History of Violence

Are we turning into my grandparents? Before my grandma saw Brenden Fraser's masterpiece "George of the Jungle" in 1995, the last movie they saw at a theatre was "Two Mules for Sister Sara." Yeah. 1970.

Someone remind me again why "big government" is a bad thing? Thanks for making us look bad again, Cuba. Beautiful bastards.

I'm gonna read the shit outta some Evidence!

-Lady Lovely Locks-

True, False, or fucking awesome?

Ben sent this quiz to me.

Perfect.

She should totally be confirmed...

You ready for this?

Coolest guy in the history of the world.

Jawesome.

Fucking Bizarre...

Words cannot describe the awesomeness of these correspondence... Teenage girl? Or Supreme Court nominee?

"Dear Governor GWB, You are the best Governor ever — deserving of great respect!"

"Hopefully Jenna and Barbara recognize that their parents are 'cool' - as do the rest of us"

If you were G-Dub, how would you respond to her love and affection?
Autographed headshot? Free passes to Astros homegames? Feces?

"I appreciate your friendship and candor. Never hold back your sage advice,"
"P.S. No more public scatology."

scatology?


Absolutely insane (unless you're in to that...)

Madlib, anyone?

Here's a MadLib I just did...

Amusement Parks

An amusement park is always fun to visit on a hot summer
penis. When you get there, you can rent a
sumbitch and go for a swim. And there are lots of
hairy things to eat. You can start off with a hot dog on
a/an cadaver with mustard, relish, and handcuffs
on it. Then you can have a buttered ear of Ryan's anus with a
nice infected slice of watermelon and a big bottle of
cold goat semen. When you are full, it's time to go on the
roller coaster, which should settle your Satan.
Other amusement park rides are the Dodge-Em which has little
PAGINAS!, that you drive and run into other GOAT PAGINAS!,
and the Merry-Go-Round where you can sit on a big booger
and try to grab the gold Catholic priest as you ride past.

GENIUS!

a simple request...

If I ever hit my head on something terrible (i.e. marble countertop, Ryan's fist) and go into a vegetative state (ala my girl Terri), I would like to formally request that "Girlfriend in a Coma" be played continuously at my bedside.

1. It would be absolutely hilarious
2. It would keep everyone in earshot deeply depressed and annoyed.

If Ryan, in his state of shock/grief/guilt, forgets to follow this wish - please remind him.

Who's shaking the crime stick at 'em?! It's ME!

Practicing those Runaway Bride CRAZY EYES. Smiling like I was just abducted by a "Mexican." Haunting you in your delirious, LSD-induced dreams.

Listen here! Salud! I'm the fresh 'n' fruitinest here outlaw in the West!

Okay, so here's the scoop - Professor Devine has turned into an email Nazi since becoming Dean of Student Emails (or some shit like that). So now, every time anyone sends out a mass email announcing parties, asking for help, looking for babysitters, etc... Devine fires off these asinine emails that only serve to make him look like King Douche and piss everyone off.

So Ellen Brooke sent a request out for a puppy sitter this weekend. Devine unleashed all of his bullshit on her, and it finally pissed people off enough to speak out on it (in mass email form, of course). Everyone is giving their two cents on this (Devine has yet to respond in mass email fashion) including a 1L named Tony Nenninger. I don't know this man. I've only seen him around and at the occasional ACLU meeting. Here is his email:

From: Nenninger, Tony Robert (UMC-Student)
Sent: Thu 10/6/2005 6:45 PM
To: Smith, Antwaun . (UMC-Student); Devine, James R.; Brooke, Ellen Jean (UMC-Student); UMC LAW 2L; UMC LAW 3L; UMC LAW 1-L
Subject: RE: Puppy Sitting

Apparently we all have the technological ability to address a message to more than 250 people. Why do we have access to this forum without permission if the rules referenced at http://iatservices.missouri.edu/e-mail/mass/policy.html require permission? Furthermore, the rules appear to prohibit many kinds of non-emergency communications that we routinely receive ("such as campus events, advertising, or other promotional activities"). It seems that there is a double standard of censorship favoring commercial speech over social speech and a bias favoring centralized institutional authority over individual responsibility and interpersonal voluntary cooperation. These perceived double standards and biases are incongruent with the partnership paradigm central to the mission of the Law School to foster alternative dispute resolution. I think it is particularly important for sub-parts of the university (i.e. law school, departments, etc.) to be able to communicate without limitation to some arbitrary number of addressees.

----------------------
Yes, its a little odd sounding. I laughed myself when I read it at first, but the next email from a 3L named Captain Pirate (names have been changed to protect the innocent-ish) really really pissed me off....

Tony,

with all do respect...maybe you should learn ConLaw before you start throwing out bogus ConLaw terms. You try hard, but it just doesn't work. What you say just doesn't really mean anything. Learn the terms first. I'd leave it to your brother Antwaun because he definitely said it best.

Nice work, but just wait until next year. I promise, you'll feel much better about yourself.

Again, with all do respect...a 3L. That's all you need to know. Let Antwaun talk, if anyone really needs to.

-----------------------

Jesus fucking Christ! What a rude and condescending way to address someone in a fucking mass email. So I decided to research Tony Nenninger. It took me less than five seconds on Google to discover dozens of links about Tony. He was a PARTY IN A FUCKING 8TH CIRCUIT COURT OF APPEALS FREEDOM OF ASSOCIATION CASE!!!! He may not have the formal knowledge that "Captain Pirate" has, but he took a case all the fucking way up to the fucking 8th Circuit.

Move over Devine -- Captain Pirate is now King Douche.

Okay. I'm done. I feel better. Oh yeah - here's the email I sent Captain Pirate(not a mass email one, but it would be wonderful if it was)...

From:	Breezy, Jeezy (UMC-Student)	Sent:	Fri 10/7/2005 1:44 AM
To:	Pirate, Captain (UMC-Student)

Whoops!

Darlin, I hate to be the one to break this to you... but you just made yourself look like a complete jackass. I don't know Mr. Nenninger, but I did a little research on him...

U.S. v. Nenninger
351 F.3d 340

Yeah. You can check it out yourself on Westlaw. He didn't win his 8th Circuit case, but it sure looks like his real world experience has trumped our little legal educations. I hope you're proud of the way you sounded in that mass email -- personally I'm embarrassed for you. What gives you the right to think yourself superior to someone simply because you are two years ahead of them in law school?

I hope you email Tony and apologize for being such a dick.

-Julia-

----------------------------
Hahah... I hate douchebags. Anger has passed. Time for sleep. I saw Broken Flowers tonight. I had a few qualms with it, but overall Bill Murray is amazing. [Ah... Lolita!]

Harriet, you could do much better than this....

Ha HA! Thought I was dead, didn't you... No. Not dead. Immersed in the suffocating sea of legality, but barely breathing.

I have class in 14 minutes. I read for it. In fact, I've read for nearly every single class I've attended this semester (and even for the ones I missed). My brain is swelling to terrifying heights. I feel like an uber-nerd in a sea of uber-nerds (except Ben, he'll always be the Law School Cool Kid).

Only bad thing about this Adderall & therapy diet of mine - greatly diminished creativity. I'm struggling just to make the funny! I know - it should come rolling out of my mouth like beer vomit, but its not. It's NOT! Dr. Straub says I have to "switch gears" when I want to be myself again (i.e. not a robotic study nerd), but its hard. Makes my brain hurt.

Oh holy fuck. Miers?! Miers. I wanted to get into the Miers nomination, but I don't think I have enough time. Oh yes - I have theories (granted, they're mostly ripped off of other theories I found on washingtonmonthly.com, but theories nonetheless).

Here's the gist of what I'm thinking - Bush's press conference he held yesterday have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's mentally deficient. No one person can be "brilliant" while at the same time having no fucking clue what the Supreme Ct. is all about. Harriet Miers was introduced to him as an attorney and has acted as his attorney for years upon years. Law school hypes up this "attorney-client relationship" to the nth degree. So I'm thinking - what if she has been acting in the capacity of "attorney-client relationship" for the past 10 years and is simply doing the job of being his aggresive advocate. Perhaps Bush has mistaken her "devotion" to him as friendship, when actually it has been attorney-client bullshit all along.

A little bit of self-delusional hope, I know.

-J Breezy-