You've known it all the time. I'm learnin' it these days.

Ahoy-hoy!

Too busy spacing out today to write much. I've been floating around the law school since I got out of class at 11:40. This must be some form of procrastination, but its so bizarre that I can't even be sure. For instance, I became totally engrossed in today's NYTimes crossword puzzle and forgot to attend the ACS elections -- where I was named Vice Prez in abstentia. Yet another thing that Dick Cheney and I have in common!! Wooot!!

Ben Cox is the new Prezzident. We're going to make a fierce showing next year.

Oh! Check out the knowledge that Whitman dropped on the Missouri Senate yesterday! He showed us the proposed bill in class the other day... bizarre, nonsensical and "just weird" indeed. Missouri's government is run by a bunch of yokels, if you didn't know already.

Au revoir

I seen pretty people disappear like smoke

So Bryan, Ryan, Erin & I {sounds like a Christian rock band, eh?} are sitting around. Fall Out Boy was on an SNL rerun tonight. I know everyone says they're terrible. Believe me -- they are. Tonight, however, I didn't just hate them, I became angry at them. I resented them. Many bands don't enrage me, but I was certainly enraged by Fall Out Boy.

How are you? How've you been these days? Have you seen that new celebrity cooking show? Fast-paced, eh?!! Oh. No. They just announced that it's been cancelled on the news. The people talking on VH1 news.

Not much to say. I ate salmon with dill sauce leftovers and cheeeezzy bread for dinner tonight. Also a Cinnastix. Oh! and Scooby Doo Fruit Snacks. The official ones.

I watched Funny Girl again tonight. I'm pretty certain that's my movie for now. Finally, I've reached the point in my life where I can reasonably emulate Fanny Brice. I think I've also subconsciously been emulating Bab's wardrobe in this film. Everything about it. I love it. I fucking love Funny Girl. There. I said it. You can't hold it against me. You haven't even seen it yet! Don't dog on Barbara Streisand -- she gave an outrageously amazing performance. I'll fight any muthafucka who questions that. True.

Ryan just decided that he can't eat anymore Prime Rib Sandwiches from Quizno's. He visited VH1.com after eating the rest of my Prime Rib Sandwich, where they were cross-marketing the Prime Rib Sandwich on Best Week Ever's site. He looked up and told me that he just ate the rest of my VH1. Crazy. Also, the girl who works behind the counter is totally in love with him and spit in my sandwich today. So now he knows that awful truth. Haahaaaa!!

Osama Bin Laden? I bet that guy is Rico Suave over there...

You might be spoilin' me too much, love...

All I want to do right now is watch I Heart Huckabee's.

That's all.

I go to the place where the I Heart Huckabee's DVD should be. Not there.



If I loaned that movie out to you.... or if you stole it from me... let me know. I have no idea where it is. It's fucking driving me crazy!


Now I have to watch the end of Kindergarten Cop. Lame.

If we all went back to another time...

I feel like something is missing. Ahh... got it..... Holiday Cheer.

WTF?!? Ryan and I are sitting here, minding our own bidnezz.... you know.... and we hear this noise on the front porch! It sounds like someone flopped down on that orange couch. Ryan ventured outside. Nothing.

What if it's the Raven?! Honestly, I remember The Raven only because of Treehouse of Horror. I would have pushed it far far out of my memory if not for the Bart-Raven saying "Eat My Shorts" to Homer-Narrator. Genius.

My brother never understood that the location of "Springfield" was intentionally ambiguous. He would constantly start Bentonesque arguments. Defending his "Simpsons live in Missouri" hypothesis. I think he still buys into that. If only he was able to keep my fucking number in his phone. He would call more and I wouldn't wonder if he still thinks Missouri.

No hyperlinks tonight. I'm too lazy. Too hungry.


Taaaquuuiiittoooossssss..... with Hidden Valley Ranch!

...now look at me the multi-talented munchkin...

Lady Sovereign is rolling through my head. Where did she come up with that incredible name? Where did she get those skillllz? How does she do it all at the tender age of 19? I'm awestruck.

Ryan pulled some wiring magic and my once-destroyed headphones are now operational. Score!
Hellllooooo I-Pod. Just in time for finals.

Oh yeah! Finals are fast approaching. In my past three semesters of law school, this is the time when I usually start operating in 24 hour anxiety mode. Feelings of dread, unpreparedness, the like. For some odd reason, I'm gellin' this semester (like Magellan, like a felon, etc...). I have a 15-20 page research paper due Monday. I have to outline for allll of my classes. I have to study study study.. and I feel good about it! Lovely!

Ben sent me this interview with the Wonder Showzen guys from the A.V. Club. Read it. You will not be sorry.



Turning and returning to some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say

Why did TomCruise have to turn crazy and ruin that movie for everyone?

Size whhaaaa....?!

Are we going to be the generation that lets letter writing entirely die? Does anyone even want to write letters anymore? Who will write letters with me?!? WHO'S WITH ME?!!!!?!!! We'll buy special stationary that means something. Bundled and stored in shoeboxes. Top shelves of our cedar closets.

I went on a solo mini-shopping spree today. I bought a fancy-ass movie theatre style metal bullet PUSH can {like the one in the picture, but polished stainless steel... wooot!!}. Our old one was broken. It was justified. I also bought some brand new Magnolia hand lotion [so new it's not even on the bath & body works website yet, eh?], size 2 jeanz {wtf?!? I know}, and new braz. Overall a productive day.

Formosa was like a liberry tonight.

This is the most boring post I've ever made. Off night. Don't hold it against me.

"Honestly I'm surprised that he's still alive.... What?! She moved out of town! What reason does he have to live?"

Crazy Crazy day. Tire. Oh so tired. I cried! In my car! What a female.

Conan has been progressively less funny lately. It feels like he's turning on the "middle aged guy with 2 kids" comedy. Testing out a Jay Leno personality. Puke.

I BOUGHT DOVE EGGS AT WALGREENS!!!

I just remembered that. Day is brightened.

So Jesse, Ted & I have a group opinion due tomorrow for Free Speech. We have to decide a case as SCOTUS, and part of our assignment is to make up alias Justice names (because of the blind grading, you know). Erin, Ryan & I are hanging out right now. Yes. Right now. I'm blogging in a group of people. Oh man. I just said 'blogging' -- GROSS!

{erin just said: coors light smells a little bit like rubbing alcohol}

Here is a list of the names we've come up with. Jesse. You have been assigned.

Scalito
Scalito-Bandito III
Bonezmoker
Stinkleberry
ThinMints
Cheeezapuff
DeliciousPepperoniPizza
Stinkleberrypie
WhiteLionRulz
Winger4Ever
MaryMeyersIsAChemicalEngineer
HoneyBong
HippieH8R

Jesse: Chief Justice RockNRoll
Julia: Justice KeepinItReal

Why don't Supreme Court Justices have aliases? Why isn't SCOTUS more like the Insane Clown Posse?! I would be a juggalo for Ruth Bader. Even though I do hate those juggalos.

Got to go. I think a monkeybear is defecating on Conan's back.

Check out my gurl Errrrrn's page.

A Newsflash to Make Yer Skin Crawl!

My brain is fried. PaperPaperPaper WriteWriteWrite PaperPaperPaper... you see where I'm going with this.

Step into the Reading Room:

1) The Antichrist Rising... from Chris.

2) MO Meth-heads Have 6 Fake Babies!.... from Ben.


I had a Flaming Volcano at lunch today, so that was awesome. This is totally what Mr. Harper & I looked like while drinking it. I'm the blonde one. Aaaahhhhhhh... Sorority girls. What would I do without them?

PAPERPAPERPAPER!! WRITEWRITEWRITE!!!

A Smorgasbord of... gossip? drama? pickled herring and cheese?

A bad updater am I. Here are a few things:

1) Our wild Saturday night yesterday consisted of somehow watching Dateline. I won't link to the show, because I hate Dateline ever so much. NBC replaced my beloved Freaks & Geeks with it in 2000, so I've been holding this grudge for 6 years now... So we're watching Dateline, right? The feature story was set in Texas. All about a woman named Molly whose white trash, child rapist husband, Clayton, "died" in a car accident. A month after he dies, she starts seeing this new mysterious white trash guy who looks exactly like her husband with dyed brown hair. Of course, she & the husband faked his death to escape the law and collect massive amounts of insurance scrilla. The body they found in his burned-out car? A corpse. Of an elderly woman. That they DUG UP FROM A GRAVE IN A CEMETARY. So the couple's 4-year-old son starts trying to push kids down stairs, the Texas Rangers get suspicious (the cops, not the team), the show goes to commercial break -- and returns with this dramatic graphic introduction:

"Chapter 4: Takedown at the Taco Bell"

The couple was apparently dining at a Taco Bell when they were swarmed by a SWAT team [TEXAS SWAT, I hope]. Here is an arresting officer's account of his encounter with our boy Clayton posing as the new boyfriend:

"He looked at me. I looked at him. He pretty much said 'Oh Fuck.'"

Yeah. The cop said "fuck" on Dateline while trying to water down his response so as not to offend the public. After white trash child rapist faker of his own death was arrested and put in jail, he started bragging about his stupid plan to cellmates [ACLU sidenote: DON'T BRAG ABOUT YOUR ILLEGAL EXPLOITS IF THEY REALLY HAPPENED.] Stone Phillips did this voiceover of the encounter:

"Clayton blabbed on about he and Molly's repulsive -- and deeply creepy -- scheme."

Deeply Creepy indeed, Stone.

2) Erin sez: "Hey! Make sure you talk about that Mad About You comin' to Nick-at-Nite on there!"
Done and done. Now I'll remember to never watch it.

3) Heads up, NY Times Crossword Puzzle Juice Bags! Slate just told me that something shocking happened in Monday's puzzle. Shocking! Scumbag?!

4) Wikipedia is down right now, so my links aren't up to par. I apologize. Wait. No. I don't apologize... sheeeeiiitt....

5) Erin & I took a field trip to D & H Drugstore {your family drugstore} on Friday. I bought a sheet of hilarious American Pride-themed stickers. What should I put them on? My face? Your car? Okay!



She screamed till her face got so red
Then she fell on the floor,
And I covered her up and then
Thought I'd go look through her drawer.

Before we did raps, we did kidnaps, murders...

Spring Break is over. Return to the grind. Kind of.

So I'm sitting in Criminal Procedure today, eveything seems to be running smoothly. All at once, my hands became clammy, my feet started to sweat, and my stomach tied itself in a killer knot. I almost puked in class. I had to get up and rush out of the room before vomitting. Deeeeesgusting. I dry heaved in the ladies' room for a few minutes, then threw up a part of the granola bar. Food poisoning? Hmm... probably not. I returned to class and Jesse suggested that a baby is growing inside of me. Pregnant? Naw. If I was pregnant, however, that baby would be MESSED up!

I left class again. After almost puking. Again. I went outside and called my mom, who told me that I'm probably just pregnant.

She's a nurse. She knows these things.

Ohh!!! I just sat down to read, and remembered that RIGHT before Crim Pro started today, I took a multivitamin. On a (mostly) empty stomach. Brilliant move. That's what made me sick. Vitamins. Minerals. The like.

Back to the grind. No, not MTV's The Grind. Something with less spandex.

... but I'm planning this escape! Are you in?

PS - My grandpa just sent me this:

--------------------------------
On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be

01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again. Thought you might want to know this.
You may now return to your (normal ?) life.
----------------------------------

If its logical, I'll bottle you, beat the shit outta you
Go to your Wake and beat the shit outta whoever says "Bye" to you